I had been avoiding putting a perspective on what happened with NishuDi and me. Majorly so, cause the entire incident has made me feel that I'm utterly idealistic and naive... and not in a complimentary way.
I had wanted so badly to make things right, to change lives as they show in movies. That is perhaps what my problem entirely is. I want happy endings. There are none in life. Just happy moments and then it passes and then you have just... moments. Sad, uncomfortable, bitter, frustrated, lonely... these moments you have to wade through till you get to another happy moment. The wading through parts sucks ass.
After countless threats, abuses, sleepless nights, long lectures, scoldings, advices, anger, helplessness, fear... I had to make peace with the fact that people will do exactly as the please. Their consideration for you will only extend to the point that is comfortable for them. And sometimes not even till there. It doesn't matter that they are family. Or perhaps it is cause they are family. Perhaps being family allows people to hurt you in ways that strangers wouldn't.
My emotions have bounced around like a yo-yo this past half year. From an avenger and savior to a control-freak who is difficult to live with. Not that I am surprised. I already knew that about me, I advertise it enough. But it hurts a bitty when it comes from a person you literally laid your life, your sanity on the line for. And like all epic movies, it wouldn't have been complete without the well-meaning interference of God himself. Ha.
Anyhoos. Alls well that ends well. Right? I wish NishuDi and the kids well. I am over my anger and pain, enough anyways to still laugh about the good parts. This is a major "grown-up" moment for me! I normally do not forgive. I never forget. But I am happy that she is becoming more independent, more self-reliant. She needs to cause this entire fiasco should not end up being one, but should be life-altering, give meaning and make things better for their lives. I want the kids to grow up knowing that someone cared enough to get up and take action, made some of the abuse stop, fought for the right the good things.
Haze did clear her finals. She scored first division, her report card riddled with A and B +'s. I'm happy and proud. I want her to succeed and prove to the world that if you fight hard enough you can make it. She is on her way now. I hope she stays strong.
I hope they all stay strong.
