I feel blue

Yes. I’m feeling sorry for myself again. Being sick tends to have that effect on me. As I stood this morning in the kitchen… dirty kitchen, scrounging around for a spoon that looks “clean” to eat my sago porridge, I’m engulfed in waves of self-pity. Majorly cause its pitiful that one has to cook breakfast for oneself when one is so sick. And when one has to go see the disinterested-in-your-care doctors in a big fancy hospital by oneself. And when one has to buy medicines and then remember to take them by oneself. And when your tummy hurts in the middle of the night there isn’t anyone but your own thineself who is rubbing your tummy going, “there there”… ok ok I wasn’t. But I was moaning by myself. :( I miss my mom.

Meh.

Ok anyways. I have decided on the tattoo I want. Finally. YES! Something to look forward to and worry about till I get it and then worry about how it looks. Fun. :P

No, it’s not ornamental or a bilingual motif that means auspicious in one language and turnip in another. No, it’s not my name in Hebrew. No, it’s not his name in Braille. Oooooh. Wait. That’s a NEAT idea. Hmmmm. Bears thinking over. Well, no ones going to be able to miss it once I get it. That’s all I’m mentioning at this point.

I’m more than a lil excited about it. Majorly cause it means freedom for me. For so many things that ppl take for granted, it will be a fresh start for me. I’m doing a lot of research on this, trying to find the right artist, esp. if that right artist is also located where my clients are when I go visit them in States :P cause travelling to SF to get a tattoo on a business visit to NY would just not be possible!

Thinking of the tattoo actually gives me a lot of… joy, believe it or not. There isn’t all that much to be joyful about as it is in my life. Maybe the word is hopeful. Things at work couldn’t suck more. Things at home stink… literally. My pee is sunset orange, which normally is a happy color, but not in your toilet bowl. I’m surviving on fried eggs and toast. My mouth tastes vile and bitter. I think I have dandruff. I think Cherie has it too. I have no desire to move beyond the space that is my bed and at times I contemplate if it would be ok to just pee in the bed just so I do not have to get up. My heightened sensitivity to noise, light and in particular smell is not HELPING!!!

Meh.

But thinking of the tattoo helps.